Bad.. So bad.

Hello, my darlings!

So, I've decided to start a new blog, in addition to this one.

Because there can never be enough of me out there on the interwebz.  Amiright? Or amiright?

It's just going to be a collection of the messages I receive on dating sites.  

Pretty straightforward and oh-so-hilarious.

And a lot sad.

Very, very sad.

In a hilarious way.

Anyhooters.. Mosey on over there to check it out, if ya would!

Bad Dating Messages

Besides that, everything has been pretty mellow.  I'm supposed to have drinks sometime this week with a new guy.

Not anyone from the new blog, of course.  Though I bet that would make for some hilarious material.. Hm..

Oh, right.  Drinks.  I've also been chatting with another guy recently and may meet up sometime this week or next.  And today I was texted by a bartender than I met last week.

Apparently, I gave him my number.  Heh.

Baby, I am on FIRE this week.  And it's only Monday!

Here's to not burning out by Wednesday!  Whee!

XOXO

What could possibly be said?

I've thought and thought about what I wanted to write since the bombings in Boston happened.  First, I thought about not writing anything at all and just continuing to post other stuff.

Not because I don't care, but because I know that there are literally no words I can write that could possibly express my sadness or anger or disgust.  There is nothing that I can say that can cover the magnitude about what happened on Monday.

It would all be horribly inadequate.  And for that, I am sorry.

But I couldn't just not write anything.  Because, no matter how much I fail to say what I mean, the fact is, what happened did mean something.  And that can't just be left unacknowledged.

What did it mean though?  That, we as humans, are capable of incredibly great evil?  Yes.  That it takes less than 30 seconds to completely change the course of someone's life, to damage and dismantle it?  Yes.  

That in moments of terror, shock, horror, blood, pain and sadness, the human spirit stronger than we ever thought possible?  YES.

Like the first responders on the scene.  Like the spectators that ran *towards* the explosion site, not knowing if there were more explosions to come, to help the victims.  Like the former NFL player that spent hours helping victims and carrying them to safety.  Like the runners that continued right on past the finish line and ran straight to the local hospitals.  Like the Peace Cowboy who was there to honor his son, a fallen marine, and was pictured holding a man's artery closed to prevent him from bleeding out.  Like the hundreds of every day people that comforted each other, helped each other, offered to open the doors of their homes to stranded marathoners, all those that became heroes because of the act of a coward.

It's all of them that I think about.  It's people like them that I'm grateful for.  Because without them, there would be no hope.  Without the selfless, brave acts of so many.. how could we go on.. knowing something like this could happen?  But because of the every day heroes, I'm a little less scared and a little more hopeful that the human spirit is stronger than any act of a coward.  No matter how big or small it may be.  Because the human spirit is what is beautiful about this world.

Like Patton Oswalt said, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

We *always* will.

So, I'm sorry this happened.  And I'm sorry that this is probably disjointed and possibly all over the place.  I haven't reread it and am not going to, because I know that my words are inadequate and I would be here all night trying to get them right.  And it wouldn't be possible.  

One last thing.  

I love you guys.  Thanks for being what's good in this world.

Why are we living in the next ice age??

Seriously.. Why is it still sofa king cold??

This is what I look like when I take my dogs for a walk around the block..

It's the middle of April.. APRIL.

I should not be wearing my wool coat and scarf.

Getting real tired of your shit, Spring.

Get it together, Mother Nature.

Funny Shit Friday

Good news, everyone!

I am now in possession of the knowledge that I can take a punch!

So long as I'm the one doing the punching, that is.  Huh.  Perhaps that isn't good news after all.

Yes, people.  I punched myself in the face this morning.  Accidentally, of course.  And I was very sorry about it afterwards and will be having flowers delivered to myself later.

Anyway.  Early this morning I woke up to having very few covers on myself.  My pitty burrito-ed herself into them.  So, there I was attempting to pull them up to myself.

Side note.. A 60 lb pit bull that doesn't feel like moving, magically gains 300 lbs instantly.  It's science.

SO.  There I am yanking the covers up to myself, and making very little progress, when I dunno what happened.  My hand slipped?  Lost my grip? 

WHAMMO!

Right in the kisser.

I know it's physically impossible for dogs to laugh.  And I was probably just a little dazed from my unintended sucker punch.. But I would *swear* I could hear that pit bull bitch snickering.

To get my mind off of the fact that I am now in a domestic violence relationship with myself.. Here's a few funnies.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!  And remember, there is no excuse for abuse.  Even if you're the one that's doing the abusing.  NO EXCUSE.

XOXO

The internet has ruined me.

So, last night I was laying in bed with my headphones in and listening to Pandora.  Usual stuff.

Then Journey's song 'Don't Stop Believing' came on.  Score, right?

So, I'm laying in bed, singing along and surely annoying the shit out of my dogs, when I look at my iPhone to make sure that I thumbed up the song when.. Wait.. Is that a PENIS?!

Seriously.  

Journey's cover art for their album 'Escape'?  It looks like a penis.

How very phallic of you.

It's not just me, right?  That's totally a penis.

Either that, or the internet has ruined me.

I still say it's a penis.

I had a couple of dreams.

Huh.  This was weird.  

My post titled *was* going to be "I had a dream.. No, really." but I was like, wait.. Isn't today something to do with Dr MLK Jr?

Duh.  It's the 45th anniversary of his assassination.  RIP, Dr.  :(

So, the title just didn't seem, you know.  Right.

But I did have a couple of dreams.  Sadly, not the kind that are going to change the world for the better or anything important like that.

Nope.  They were just the usual.  Sex and money.

But they were fantastic.

The first, I was in Mad Men.  Not like, the TV show.  But if Mad Men was real.  Everyone was there and I was Don Draper's new secretary.

You can imagine how that went.  Bow chicka wow wow..

Side note: Dreamworld Don Draper is fantastic.  

Then! 

Then, right before it got really, really good?  My fucking bell rang.  At like 6 AM.  

I felt it was in bell-ringer's best interest that I did NOT open the door.  That motherfucker.

I can't believe my *dream self* can't even progress on her #5 Resolution. 
(See: http://nninwonderland.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-new-year-new-set-of-resolutions-to.html)

WTF, yo?

When I finally fell back to sleep I ended up at the Venetian in Vegas with a couple of friends and my dad.  We were all playing the nickle slots and I won $200,000.

Why do my dreams have to be better than my real life?  Seriously, why?

Of course, I didn't want to get out of bed.  And really, really wish that bed was located in Vegas.

I hate when my dreams are so much better than real life.

Phooey.

XOXO

In the world I wish I lived in..

Oh, Grumpy Cat.. how you understand me.

XOXO

Random musing..

Why do people call them "camera phones" when referring to the camera on your phone?

"Hey, Nicole.. Take a picture!  No, dummy.  With your camera phone.  No, that's your wallet.  No, that's a pack of tissues.  No, tha- OK, you know what?  Never mind.  Also, you need to stop drinking."

I mean.. It's not a camera phone.  Technically it's a phone camera.

Right?

Is this regional? 

Shit.  Am I the only idiot that calls it a camera phone?

Also.  I think I need to get more sleep.

XOXO