"You forgot your blog again, asshole."

That was an actual text I got from one of my favorite people.  He likes to keep it real with me.

But, for the record, I did and I didn't forget my blog.  

I knew it was Friday and I usually put my Funny Shit Friday post up.  But my *last* post was a FSF post, and it made me feel bad that I haven't been doing more writing.

I swear to God, my life has been really boring lately.

Hm..

Oh!  Last Sunday, my neighborhood celebrated St Paddy's day.  Yes, a week after the fact.

It's NYC.

And we celebrated in the classic NYC fashion.  We started day drinking at noon.

By 4, I was completely blotto.  As evidenced by these attractive pictures:

Noon, yay (?) bagpipes!  Pic taken by my very talented
friend, A.

Noon thirty, after acquiring a hat from somewhere.  

About 2 or so.  More bagpipes.  Why are there more bagpipes?

3:30ish.  I think.  Definitely feeling those green beers.  As evidenced
by my eyes.

3:30ish again.  Eyes completely useless.  Must rely on kindness of
 strangers to stay upright.

 So, that was fun.  What I remember anyway.

Other than that, I was taking it easy this week.  I have been slowly clearing out my place.  Feng shui-ing it, if you will.

Operative word being 'slowly', as I'm sure I'm mentioned this like, 2 weeks ago.  Whatever.  I prefer to think of it as 'thorough'.

Yeah, thorough.  That's it.  

So, a few things that chucklefucked me this week.

Hm.. I don't think I'm using that word right.  

Oh well.

XOXO, love you assholes.  Thanks for reading.  :)

Funny Shit Friday

And here are the things that are keeping me in giggles today.

Hope y'all are having a good Friday!

Way Funnier Wednesday Because I Was an Asshole and Forgot To Do it Last Friday

Turns out I couldn't come up with a better title.  Ah well, that's not important.

Here's what's tickling my funny boner today.

And the incredibly talented Johann Lippowitz/David Armand.  Youtube him and fall in love.

Spring has Sprung! Time to get drunk!

Hello there, all my favorite internet people!  I come to you today baring 2 gifts.. 1 awesome, the other less so..

The less so awesome, (which let's face, is still pretty awesome) is an update on everything ME.

Yes, yes.. Please keep the cheering to a minimum.  It's hurting my ears over here.  I love you guys too.

The second, much more awesome, is that I'll be doing a second post right after this to make up for my lack of a Funny Shit Friday.  So, you'll be getting a Way Funnier Wednesday Because I Was an Asshole and Forgot To Do it Last Friday post.

I'm still working on the title.

So, without further ado.. onto moi!

First, I'm sure you're wondering about TY, and the answer is..

I did NOT hear from him.  Frankly, I wasn't too surprised.  I still get the Facebook activity from him.  Likes on my pics/statuses/whatever, with about zero clue about what that means, if anything.  But honestly, I haven't been stressing about it.  Mostly because..

There's something to be said about when you hang out with a girl that has a memory like a steel trap.  Seriously, you say it once, it's in there for.eve.r.

How else am I supposed to be expected to memorize 300 page scripts?  Like a vice, baby.

What I'm referring to, in case you're curious, is that when I'm hanging out with a certain sexy someone and conversing, and you tell me something about yourself.. Like, oh.. I dunno, that you were never married.. Something little like that, ya know.

Don't expect me to not notice a few weeks later when you're on FB chatting with a friend and that friend asks you how your divorce went and you say it went OK.

Because, me?  I notice that shit.

In less exciting news, I FINALLY finished with the majority of my Spring cleaning.  Why this would be even a modicum of exciting is that the cleaning of the Spring included finally getting rid of all the rest of the ex's stuff.

Me, with less confetti and more alcohol.

I know, I know.. We've been broken up (and moved on) for forever.  A big part of it was that it was mostly just packed away, so I never thought of it and it wasn't that big of a deal to keep around.  But with my new organizing kick, it was time to just toss it once and for all.

A lot can be said for how much lighter I feel knowing that not only is all the extraneous crap cleared out of my closets, but that I know have more room for my shoes.

In fact, I think I should try to fill up all that extra space.. Hm.. My credit card hasn't gotten a work out for awh-

No!  No, Nicole!  Bad!  Save money.  Must save mone- 

But shoes are so pretty.. So shiny and new and pretty..

Whoa.  OK.  I think it's time to get off here and get on to the next post.  

See you all soon, my lovers.  And don't forget to check out my Way Funnier Wednesday Because I Was an Asshole and Forgot To Do it Last Friday post that's coming up in a hot minute. 

XOXO!

In case you haven't heard..

Veronica Mars the movie, baby!

Also?  It took them only 4 hours to hit $1,000,000.  

Holy shit.

And as I type this, the pledges sit at $1,663,106.

Clickity clack here to get in on this.  Or just have fun watching the numbers go up!

I know I am.

Dunce, party of one.

I just went through my old posts, just to get an idea of everything that I blogged about the past few weeks, and I realized that I never gave an update to the Tall and Yummy guy (who shall henceforth be referred to as TY).

I could have sworn I did.

Either I'm getting old and my memory is going or I drink too much.

Probably just getting old.  Heh.

Anyway, here's a TL;DR recap:
Met TY guy, went out next night, thought it went really well, kissed for a bit at the end of the night, he said we should hang out again.

Read the full post right meow.

All caught up?  Fantastic.

So, after we hung out, he texted 3 days later, which was a Saturday.  We texted back and forth for an hour which I thought was fun.  I knew he was leaving the next day on vacation out of the country, so I didn't expect to hear from him.

The following Saturday I got a text from him saying hi.  Yay!  

Except..

I dunno.. I usually pride myself on being able to feel tone through texting and emails, since it can be hard.  This felt.. not exciting.  I think after about 2 or 3 texts back and forth I asked if he planned to go back to where he just came from anytime soon (as he visits that locale a lot) and.. nothing.  No response back.

OK, perhaps he was busy or didn't get the text.  No biggie.  The next evening I texted and asked how the rest of his weekend went and again, zero response.

I got the hint.  Clearly he had lost interest.  

Honestly, I was pretty bummed but really, no hard feelings.  It happens sometimes.  And I figured I'd run into him again since he doesn't work too far from where I live.  Maybe we'd end up friends, maybe not, whatevs.

Fast forward a few weeks.

I end up seeing him again at an event that he sent me a Facebook invite to.  We flirt and smile and there's some winking going on and plenty of drinking.. All good stuff.  

After I leave, he texts me and we spend the next half hour texting back and forth.  Yay!  The chemistry *is* still there!  I basically say, hey, listen, you wanna hang out sometime?  He replies in the affirmative.

Booyah!

The next day goes by and I hear nothing from him, so I text the day after that.  

And AGAIN.  It feels like there isn't much interest from him.  Basically, kinda vague, but polite, texts.  No mention of hanging out or wanting to make plans.

Now, I will say that it is completely possible that I'm reading it all wrong.  

Which would blow my mind because, me?  Wrong?  Surely you jest.  But, I suppose we do have to open it up as in the realm of possibility.

Plus, I *am* a little clueless on the whole dating/showing interest thing.  But.. if a guy is interested, he usually shows it in some way.. right?

Right??

I don't know.  Basically, where I'm at is that if he contacts me in the next couple days, I will again ask him if he'd like to hang out and try to make concrete plans. If I don't hear from him, then I suppose it's just not meant to be.

Which will be sad.

Because he really is quite sexy.

Now, you're probably sitting there thinking, "Why the hell don't you just go ahead and text him first, you dunce, and make plans?"  And normally I would agree with you.  But, as I'm not so good at the whole dating thing, I've decided to see if he tries to initiate contact to do that.

I gotta feel like I'm being chased just a little bit, at least.

What do you think?  Am I making the wrong choice here?  Right choice?  Shouldn't have taken another chance after he stopped texting the first time?  

Lay it on me, my internet advisers!

Funny Shit Friday

Things that tickled my funny boner this week.

Enjoy.

I need a babysitter

Did you know it's possible to accidentally bite your own finger?

It's true.

I know this because I did it last night.  And it hurt like a sonuvabitch.  In fact, it's still a little sore today.

I was eating a FINGER food (hyuk hyuk) last night and as I was putting it in my mouth with one hand, I was typing with the other and trying to nudge Lila out of my face at the same time.

Apparently, I forgot my finger was in my mouth.

And I chomped down.  Hard.  Because the beef jerky I was eating was tough.

Bit right down on the nail/tip of my finger.

How I survived this long without adult supervision, I'll never know.

Quick Vid..

Holy shit.  

Listen to this reporter trying to do a story on a fat, swimming cat.  It's awesome.

If you're not laughing uncontrollably by the end, you are clearly without a soul.

Funny Shit Friday

Hey y'all! 

Time for my weekly post to show you all what made me giggle like a little girl decapitating Barbie Dolls.

Apparently, good ol' Lyndon B was a bit of an asshole.

Reuben the guilty dog, who is apparently the neighbor's dog.. not the woman's that was filming.