Know what happens when you haven't slept in 2 days?

You walk out your door and into the apartment hallway before realizing you've forgotten to put a shirt on.

Yep.  That just happened.

OK, it wasn't that bad.  I did have a zip-up hoodie on.

That I hadn't zipped.

Thank you everything that is Holy that the woman across the hall that babysits 6 kids wasn't in the hallway with the brat pack.  

Dear sweet baby Frank, I am tired.

The post where I bragplain..

OK, so, obviously I'm not becoming a nun.  I like boys too much and I think my piercings and love of cosmetics would scare the other nuns.  

Which means, I'm still at it in regards to dating.

They last couple dates (barring the vomiting guy) were internet dates.  Both from OkCupid.  

Now, I love the idea of internet dating.  It's just like online shopping!  From the comfort of my couch I get to peruse all the merchandise, read the ad on it, check out the details and add to my cart.  And if I don't like it after trying it on in person, I just send it back.  

What's not to love?

Problem is, sites like OkCupid (which I quite like, actually) and Plenty of Freaks Fish are free.  Which brings out tens of thousands in my area and match preferences alone.  The first day on Plenty of Felons Fish, I received over 100 messages.  I've been on it 3 weeks now and 1023 people have clicked the little "I would love to meet you" button.

Granted, that's not that impressive, considering the source.  Shameless plug in 3..2..1..

Seriously, just check out my other blog Bad Dating Messages for proof.

But it *is* overwhelming.  OkCupid isn't much better.

So.  I bit the bullet and decided to actually pay to shop and joined eHarmony.  

Actually, I really don't know why I joined eHarmony instead of Match.  In my head, I guess eHarm just *seems* a little less serious than Match.  Like, Match is where you go if you are totally ready to get married.  Which.  Ha.  Haha.  HAHAHAHA.  Yeah.  No.

Anyway, so I joined eHarm, thinking.. Hey, smaller pool of people.  Much pickier with matches.  Less wiggle room.  A lot less freak-os looking for booty calls.  This sounds so much more manageable!  Why the hell didn't I do this before?

Quick note on how eHarm works.  "Messages" are how users communicate.  The first step is 5 Quick Questions.  If someone is interesting, you send them 5 Quick Questions (picked from a list of prewritten Qs by eHarm or write your own, multiple choice answers).  If they like you, they'll answer and send back 5 Qs of their own.  Then Makes or Breaks: 10 musts that you have to have in a person, 10 deal breaks (humor, strong character, loyalty.. cheating, anger, rudeness).  After that, you move to Dig Deeper.. 3 "deep" questions.  And if after that you both like what you see, you move to email.  You can also send a request to skip all that and move right to email, if you like.

So that's how it works.

First day.. 6 matches.  Great!  And, oh look.  3 people have sent me 5 Quick Questions.  Awesome!  Hm.. Not sure I like these guys.  OK, pass on the questions.  Eh.. These matches aren't doing it for me either.  Oh well.  I'll check tomorrow.

Second day.. Great!  6 more matches!  Oh, wow.  15 people sent 5QQs.. Hm.  OK, I like these 2 matches.  And these 4 guys from 5QQs will get answers back and Makes or Breaks. Wow.  OK, clear out the inbox.  See you guys tomorrow!

Third day.. Oh.  13 more matches.  And *26* people sent 5QQs?  Wow.  Oh, and the 4 guys from yesterday all sent Makes or Breaks and 3 Dig Deeper questions.  Whoa..  I really wasn't expecting all this.. I thought these sites were supposed to give you a smaller pool to pick from.  OK, lets get to it.. clear out the inbox.

Fourth day.. Busy, didn't have a chance to sign in.

Fifth day.. Still busy, still didn't have a chance to sign in.

Sixth day.. I shit you guys not.  26 more matches.  170 5QQs.

Omg.

OMG.

OH MY GOD.

Seriously, you guys.  How am I supposed to do this?

I thought paying for this shit was supposed to make it easier??

Somebody.. please hold me.

Sigh.. Now to go clear out the inbox.

Yeah, this happened.

Man.  I have been *so* busy, you guys.

OK, that's a lie.

No, mostly I've been pouting.

Remember that fantastic date from like, 2 weeks ago?  Well, it *was* fantastic.  We were already talking about dates 2, 3 and 4 by the end of the night.  AND he was a great kisser.

Except..

Ah, that dreaded "except".  

Listen, men.  No matter how hot you are, no matter how successful or whatever else.  It is not cute to spend your time telling the girl how much *she* wants *you*.

First time?  OK, kinda funny in a sweet, teasing way.  Second time, yeah, OK, that'll get a pass too.

But after that?  No.  Because she will start not wanting you and start wanting to chew off her own leg in a bid for freedom.

And under no circumstances WHATSOEVER do you ever text the girl "Your vagina moaned when I kissed you.  I heard it."

EVER.

No matter how drunk you may be.. Chances are, she's not (I wasn't) and chances are she is not going to find that sexy (I didn't).

Now, I figured not all was lost.  That date was on Tuesday and I had a date with another guy on Thursday.  This guy was super sweet.  Picked the spot carefully, reserved a table in this very upscale lounge, he was known there so the chef sent us out these amazing gourmet appetizers on the house.  It was lovely.

Except..

Ah.  Except.  He was very attractive in his pictures.  In person, he was still cute, but not in the same way.  And I tried, tried so hard, but I just didn't feel that spark.  I even let him kiss me and still.. nothing.

Not to mention, this happened: The very upscale lounge we were at was part of a hotel, which isn't unusual.. New Yorkers love their fancy hotels.  Anyway, we were at the lounge when he got up to go to the bathroom and a handsome man in a suit approached me as I was sitting there.

Side note.. This was my outfit that night.. Sorry for the blur, I realized (about 4 glasses of wine in) that I hadn't snapped a pic.  

Not sure how much more I could have been covered..

So, handsome man in a suit approaches me and asks me if I had a card.  Puzzled, I ask for what?  He replied that was hoping I was taking new clients and he would very much like to call me.

In my fuzzy, wine soaked brain, the little monkeys were furiously cranking the gears.  Finally, a lightbulb appears.

I look at him and ask him what in the world made him think I was a *hooker*.

He apologized profusely (to be fair, he did seem extremely embarrassed) and he stammered out something about how I was so gorgeous and he thought my date was.. well.. and I was so beautiful and he is so terribly sorry, please, pardon, he didn't mean to disturb, he really is so sorry...

At that time, I was just done.  I grab my coat and beat feet out of there, run into my date on the way out, made my apologies and scrammed.

Pretty bad, right?

But wait.. It gets worse.

The following Monday I get a text from a guy I had given my number to about 3 weeks earlier then hadn't heard much from.  He apologized and said he was just swamped with finals, blah blah blah and hey, he just had a great interview, is in my area and would I like to grab a drink?

Sure, OK.  After the last few days, why not?

Honestly, I should have stayed home and caught up on Mad Men.

Really.  Why didn't I stay home and catch up on Mad Men?

Sigh.

So, I make it to the bar to meet him and upon getting there, notice how sweaty he was.  Like, a lot.  Come to find out, when I arrived he was already 4 drinks and 2 shots in.

So, he keeps trying to foist shots on me, I keep declining.  Eventually he wants to make it over to a pub that's about a block away.  Since he had his car with him, I didn't want to just leave, so I say, fine.  I'll drive.  I drive over, park where he points me to and we go in.

A bartender that I've chatted with before is there, so that's nice.  I like friendly bartenders.  

We sit down and the date orders, yet again, more shots.  At this point I just say 'fuck it' because really?  The guy I was with is well on his way to shitty-drunk and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Then he gets up to go to the bathroom.  And I wait.  And wait.  And wait.

Of course, when I go to check on him, he is on all fours, vomming into the toilet.

Perfect.

He comes out of the bathroom and sits back down.  And enters everyone's favorite type of drunk.. Morose Drunk.  (Said no one ever).

So, I'm like, listen, we're getting you a cab and you're going home.  He insists he's fine.  Totally fine.  And yes, he can absolutely drive home, I need to give him his keys back, he's FINE.

He wasn't fine.

I call a cab, cab gets here and I put him in the cab.  

I stay a few more minutes to apologize to the friendly bartender for my friend, make sure we're settled up, etc.  So, about 5 minutes goes by when in walks the guy.

Of course.

He didn't want to take a cab, he wants to drive home.  At this point I tell him that he needs to call someone.  He said he lived with a roommate, and he needs to call the roommate.  Except he's having trouble working his phone.  He hands it to me so *I* can call the roommate.  The roommate named Mom.  Who apparently he still lives with.

Of course.

I call his mom.  She's coming to get him.  I hand the keys to the bartender and say I am out.  And I was.  Ho.lee.shit.

About 45 minutes later I get a call from the guy saying that he wants to go out again sometime and that he really likes me.  Sure, buddy.  How about a week from Neveruary?

And about 10 minutes after that I get a text from friendly bartender asking if he can take me out sometime.

And that is how NicoleNoelle decided she's probably going to become a nun.

The end.

Well, that wasn't so bad..

Last night, I mean.

Yes, I *finally* went on a date.

It's been like 2 months or so since the last one.  *hangs head in shame*

I can't help it though, I am just so damn picky.  About really stupid stuff too.  Like "OMG, that's NOT how you USE a SEMICOLON, you IDIOT.  BYE."

Not, not really, but you get the idea.

It was weird.. I was waffling between being excited and not-so-excited.  I had had a headache all day and wasn't looking forward to getting ready and doing my hair and finding an outfit then walking down to the bar and sitting around and blah blah blah.

But I sucked it up and went.

And I'm glad I did!

We met at a local Spanish bar for drinks, then after a couple, moved next door to a brand new sports bar that his friend had just opened.  A really cute place that I'll probably go back to.  I love sports bars, btw.

I'm trying to remember everything we talked about but I kinda can't.  I know that this is a good sign for me.  I never remember particulars when I'm having a good time.

I do remember laughing a lot though.

And he smelled good.  I love when a guy smells good.  Sigh.

I can't believe I forgot to take a pic of my outfit to show on here.  What the hell was I thinking?

I did take a pic of my makeup and hair though (of course).

I decided to do a natural eye, long lashes, rosy cheeks, pink lips and slightly curled hair.  After the date he texted me to tell me that I was gorgeous, so I guess it worked! 

Behold.. me.  Probably in the least amount of
makeup you will ever see me wearing.

No clue why I look like I'm bored out of my mind.  Like I would ever be bored taking pictures of myself.

Or, you know, about to go on a date.

Whatever.

Anyway, we're making plans to meet up again sometime soon.  Aaaand.. I have another date tomorrow.  With a different guy.

I'll keep you posted on that too. ;)

XOXO