Funny Shit Friday

Good news, everyone!

I am now in possession of the knowledge that I can take a punch!

So long as I'm the one doing the punching, that is.  Huh.  Perhaps that isn't good news after all.

Yes, people.  I punched myself in the face this morning.  Accidentally, of course.  And I was very sorry about it afterwards and will be having flowers delivered to myself later.

Anyway.  Early this morning I woke up to having very few covers on myself.  My pitty burrito-ed herself into them.  So, there I was attempting to pull them up to myself.

Side note.. A 60 lb pit bull that doesn't feel like moving, magically gains 300 lbs instantly.  It's science.

SO.  There I am yanking the covers up to myself, and making very little progress, when I dunno what happened.  My hand slipped?  Lost my grip? 

WHAMMO!

Right in the kisser.

I know it's physically impossible for dogs to laugh.  And I was probably just a little dazed from my unintended sucker punch.. But I would *swear* I could hear that pit bull bitch snickering.

To get my mind off of the fact that I am now in a domestic violence relationship with myself.. Here's a few funnies.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!  And remember, there is no excuse for abuse.  Even if you're the one that's doing the abusing.  NO EXCUSE.

XOXO

"You forgot your blog again, asshole."

That was an actual text I got from one of my favorite people.  He likes to keep it real with me.

But, for the record, I did and I didn't forget my blog.  

I knew it was Friday and I usually put my Funny Shit Friday post up.  But my *last* post was a FSF post, and it made me feel bad that I haven't been doing more writing.

I swear to God, my life has been really boring lately.

Hm..

Oh!  Last Sunday, my neighborhood celebrated St Paddy's day.  Yes, a week after the fact.

It's NYC.

And we celebrated in the classic NYC fashion.  We started day drinking at noon.

By 4, I was completely blotto.  As evidenced by these attractive pictures:

Noon, yay (?) bagpipes!  Pic taken by my very talented
friend, A.

Noon thirty, after acquiring a hat from somewhere.  

About 2 or so.  More bagpipes.  Why are there more bagpipes?

3:30ish.  I think.  Definitely feeling those green beers.  As evidenced
by my eyes.

3:30ish again.  Eyes completely useless.  Must rely on kindness of
 strangers to stay upright.

 So, that was fun.  What I remember anyway.

Other than that, I was taking it easy this week.  I have been slowly clearing out my place.  Feng shui-ing it, if you will.

Operative word being 'slowly', as I'm sure I'm mentioned this like, 2 weeks ago.  Whatever.  I prefer to think of it as 'thorough'.

Yeah, thorough.  That's it.  

So, a few things that chucklefucked me this week.

Hm.. I don't think I'm using that word right.  

Oh well.

XOXO, love you assholes.  Thanks for reading.  :)

Funny Shit Friday

And here are the things that are keeping me in giggles today.

Hope y'all are having a good Friday!

Way Funnier Wednesday Because I Was an Asshole and Forgot To Do it Last Friday

Turns out I couldn't come up with a better title.  Ah well, that's not important.

Here's what's tickling my funny boner today.

And the incredibly talented Johann Lippowitz/David Armand.  Youtube him and fall in love.