Dating can be hazardous to your sanity.

True story.  Dating is crazy these days.  Or maybe I'm just getting all the crazies.  I dunno.  They should really wear a sign or something.

My reintroduction to the dating world, post breakup, was not fun.  In fact, it felt like getting punched in the face.  

With a shovel.

I met the guy online.  He seemed nice and normal (don't they all?) and we exchanged a few messages.  After about a week we moved from email to texting and a phone call.

Still seemed nice and normal (how do they do that?).

We exchanged full names before arranging to meet.  He gave me the link to his company website (he had a few more pics of himself on it) and being the modern girl I am (read: internet nerd) I immediately set about googling the shit out of him.

Turns out, he was quite wealthy.  

I'm talking write ups in magazines wealthy.

Art collections bequeathed to major NYC art institutions wealthy.

Rents private planes to fly wealthy.

Damn.  And his pics were cute.

So, we arrange to meet up at a charming hotel bar.  Here in NYC, some of the best bars are hotel bars, so it's definitely not skeezy as it sounds.  He was there when I arrived.  I walked up and smiled as he stood up to shake my hand.  

Heels were a bad choice.

The guy was attractive, yes.  But short.  So, so short.  I'm 5'4" without heels, 5'7" with.

He was a good 4 inches shorter than me.

OK, fine.  I'm not (that) superficial.  Let's get on with the date.  We sat and chatted, the usual stuff.  The waiter approaches us and asks for our drink choices.  I order white wine (note, I have a strict 2 drink max on first dates). He orders water.

Water.

Apparently he doesn't like the taste of alcohol.  Motherfucker.. wut?  

Um, ok.  

We get back to chatting.  Today, I don't really remember what we talked about, just normal stuff I suppose.  What I do remember is he mentioned 4 times, over the course of our 2 hour date, that he "was NOT cheap."  Alright, sure.  Odd thing to point out.  But he made a point of paying for my drink.

By the third time he brought up how not cheap he was, I was ready to break my 2 drink rule.

You'd think that being "not cheap" kinda goes without saying.  It's one of those things that if you have to say it, you probably are.

Now, as the waiter brings my second glass of wine, Not Cheap here makes sure to ask "It's OK if we bring these up to my room, yes?"

Again.. motherfucker, wut?

Then he turns to me and asks if I would like to go "hang out."  Uh, isn't that what we're doing here?  I politely decline, mention that I prefer NOT to sleep with men the first time I meet them.

Then he leans forward and says he can make it worth my while.

Now, I pride myself on being a smart girl.  I'm certainly no dunce.  But man, was I slow on the uptake there.  

"Make it worth my while?  What do you mean?"

Duh, Nicole.

He leans forward again and says, "$1000."

Well, lookee that.  Guess he's not cheap after all.

He's just a fucking creeper.

I downed my drink and ran out of there so fast.  I guess those extra 4 inches I had on him came in handy, as he couldn't catch up to me.

Thank God there are always a million cabs outside of hotels.

Worst intro into dating.  Ever.